My depression led to me being really really negative , cutting and wishing I didn't existed in this world .
But I do believe that everyone's really better off without me .
Without me there ain't a diff I guess . Probably without me , things would've been a lot better .
My friends . Sometimes I dun even know how to face them . I feel like a burden to them . They've been there for me but I felt that I've never been there for them , at all . I guess I am the worst friend they have ever ever met in their lives .
The thought of thinking that I never existed in this world would be better had been in my mind every single day .
How life would be more simple for my parents , they dun have to care for me that much . I'm really really a burden . I wish they were never angry at me . They would be better off without me , really . But I can never imagine that I'm not living in this world . At times it's still better to be not living still ..
Some of my close friends they tend to care for me but I dun open myself up to them .. I feel bad . They cared but I guess I chose not to say it ? I felt not right letting it out . I had my reasons .
They would have to worry and care about one extra person which at first isn't even necessary at all . I dun wanna trouble people to care like this .. I needed these people at times but I guess they wouldn't even care anymore . I'm worthless . I'm useless . I'm nothing . I'm just like a piece of trash .
I wished many had understand me . But I'm having difficulties telling them . Especially my close friends and my family . I have no idea how to express myself out to them . It's harder than you can imagine . It's so hard for me to say cause I end up crying non stop . I think many would think my reason is shitty , crappy and stuffs but this is just me .. I'm just not sure how to express myself out to you . It's hard for me . I definitely wished there was an easy way out for me .
I'm different from all of you out there . We are all different . No one could possibly be the same ..
Yes , I'm a cheerful person on the outside but just a depressed and hurt person on the inside .. And it's really hard for me to open myself up to you too .. It will take a long time for me to tell you everything .. I have many troubles , insecurities and etc . I always feel that there ain't a reason for you to trouble just to care for me .. But I'm thankful and grateful that you cared .
It'll be weird if I'd typed everything without crying ... This had been a post that I'd like to post it up but I couldn't .
I'm just here to share my own feelings ..
I would like to say thank you to those who cared for me before and sorry for not telling you guys but I hope you understand my reasons .
I've promised not to cut . I'm trying not to ... But my heart can only take this much .. It's hard to keep everything inside sometimes .
I would like to say thank you to those who had spent their time just listening to me and giving me advices and also cheering me up .. Thank you so so much . I know I always type a big chunk of message to you guys about my troubles .. So thank you for reading the long message .
Even though it might just be those few that cared , I'm already grateful to them .
Thank you (':
Well that's about it for this post . This wasn't a post that I can't wait to post it up but there will be more . This isn't suppose to be a sad one but I couldn't take it in and I needed to let it out .. If you had read everything , thank you (':
Thanks for reading ♡ In the mean time , stay awesome and be happy always ! ♡
Hugs & Kisses !